It was not long ago in China that just uttering the word ‘homosexuality’ was commonly considered to be a shameful act. Today, however, subjects concerning same-gender relationships are addressed on TV, on the Internet and in magazines. In many urban areas, gay bars and clubs are no longer a backstreet hideaway, and gay men and lesbians have no fear of appearing in public as couples.

Since opening in 2004, Destination, one of Beijing’s best known gay bars, has become a popular place of relaxation for homosexuals – a sort of base camp. “At the beginning, few people came here. And those who did sneaked in at night,” says the bar manager. “But now society is more tolerant of homosexuals. This encourages more to come out of the closet and live an open life.”

It is estimated that in every society on the face of the Earth, homosexuals make up about 3 to 5 percent of the total population. That figure includes those who have not yet discovered their sexual orientation and those who cannot come to terms with their same-sex leanings. China has a huge population and there is a great gap between urban and rural areas. So the nation’s homosexuals are spread across a wildly varying demographic.

“I’ve hosted an advice column for the past 10 years and people who write to me [mostly gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people] are from every corner of China and of any age group,” says Damien Lu, CEO of the US-based Information Clearinghouse for Chinese Gays and Lesbians (ICCGL). “I have received emails and letters from farmers in remote rural areas, from army officers, government officials, retired people, Buddhist monks and nuns. Of those who revealed their age to me, the youngest was 12 and the oldest was 77,” he adds. This big sexual minority group representing many diverse backgrounds is drawing more attention in Chinese society.

Clear, a 28-year-old lesbian, once worked with a foreign-funded telecom enterprise. Two years ago, she resigned and joined the Beijing LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual & transgender) Center. The Center is dedicated to providing a platform for homosexuals to hold activities like film screening, lectures, volunteer training and friend making. Clear is totally out of the closet. “I didn’t conceal my sexual orientation from my parents and friends because I don’t think it is shameful. And I haven’t met any unfair treatment for my lesbian identity,” says Clear, who lived in Russia and the Ukraine for eight years. “The general environment in China is better than that of Western religious countries. Nobody will beat you up if they find out you are gay or lesbian. At most they’ll give you a wide berth. Chinese people are too busy to care about your sexuality. Only if we do not violate their rights, they will express indifference rather than hatred. But still, some employers will fire you if you reveal your sexuality.”

Zhang Beichuan, an expert in the study of China’s homosexual population and professor at the Sexual Health Center attached to the Hospital of Medical School of Qingdao University, published the 1994 Love of Homosexuals, the first theoretical book concerning homosexuals on the Chinese mainland. “Tolerance is relative. Many subjects of our research can accept other people’s children or friends as homosexuals, but they will severely oppose it when they find their children or friends are lesbians or gays. Some parents threaten their kids with death and some formerly close friends become strangers,” explains Professor Zhang.

Sen, a first-year graduate student majoring in law at Peking University, has not yet revealed his sexuality. “I once told one of my best buddies I am gay. I thought he was open-minded enough. But still he could not understand it and never again contacted me.” That first attempt to come out hurt, and Sen still feels uneasy about revealing his sexuality. “When classmates hang out, they sometimes make jokes about homosexuality. They still think we are remote and weird. But actually we’re beside them and it hurts. Homosexuals have the freedom to love and perhaps the straights have the freedom to dislike us,” Sen says, resignedly.

The Marriage Scenario

Records of homosexuality date back to ancient times in China. Many ancient Chinese idiomatic words hint at the intimate relationship between men. Since ancient times, China has not been a strictly religious nation, yet homosexuals still kept a low profile. There were fewer formal barriers for homosexuals, like those of Western countries. But Chinese homosexuals still face family and social pressure. The mainstream in China still judge people to be “normal” or not by whether he or she enters into a straight marriage. And for homosexuals, family members are typically the last to know and the most difficult to tell.

Chinese tradition holds that a person should marry at an appropriate age and continue the family line. So, in particular, male homosexuals typically feel greater pressure because they are considered to have the duty to carry on the family name. And so, bowing to expectations, many gay men marry women.

“According to our research, about 80 percent of homosexuals in China married the opposite gender. That is just the urban figure, and it is a very conservative estimate. After all, a large percentage of China’s population is in the rural areas,” clarified Professor Zhang, during a discussion with this reporter. Besides influencing cultural factors, there are economic considerations. Due to an incomplete social security system, especially pension systems, the family unit, rather than society, undertakes the duty of insuring social security. The mindset that parents raise a son, and the son should look after them in their old age, remains rooted in rural China. So it leads many homosexuals to heterosexual marriage, according to Zhang.

“I told my friends that I am a gay. But I won’t tell my parents. They are more than 60 years old and could not bear it,” says Tony, 33, an editor with a charity magazine in Beijing. “I kept company with my ex-boyfriend for six years. He finally married a woman. We had to break up. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for a year. We plan to marry a lesbian couple, respectively, and will not have children. I already cannot promise that my parents will become grandparents. So at least I will not fail their expectation for my marriage. Most of my gay friends step into heterosexual marriage and some have kids,” says Tony.

“Most gay and lesbian people in China face enormous pressure, primarily from their families. In China, one lives for one’s family first. This means many people are forced to sacrifice their personal happiness to save face for the family. This has resulted in many tragedies, and that continues to be the case today,” says Damien Lu.

Qiang has lived with his boyfriend for 10 years, and they bought a house together in Guangzhou City. What they most desire is to obtain the legal right to marry. Since 2003, sociologist Li Yinhe began to submit the same-sex marriage proposal to China’s top legislature. Although her proposals have not been adopted, she remains optimistic about the future of same-sex marriage and believes it will be a cooperative and progressive process as mainstream society learns to fully accept homosexuals.

“It is a gradual process. Only if society makes great progress in the field of economy, legislation and democracy, will discrimination and prejudice be ended. Thankfully, today is better than yesterday, and it will be better tomorrow,” says Professor Zhang.

On October 1st, 1997, gay sex was decriminalized in China. Before then, homosexuals could be prosecuted under “hooliganism” laws. In April 2001, homosexuality was deleted from the Chinese classification of mental disorders. On December 16, 2005, China’s gays and lesbians celebrated their first public festival. And this year, from June 8 to 14, the first grand party for LGBTs on the Chinese mainland, Shanghai Pride Week, was celebrated.

In the words of Unfilial Son, a novel by Bai Xianyong depicting the life of young gays: “In our kingdom, there is only night without day. When the sun comes out, our kingdom becomes invisible.” Now those of the “kingdom” may leave the dark for the light; they may talk; and China will listen.